neglected my blog, super sorry heres whats going on.

today my brother tom comes in from WA headed to VA but decided to stop and see us one last time before we dont see him for awhile, i have a new boyfriend, named casey, my life is going good besides the stupid drama with stupid people. my other brother christopher is in WA as we speak join the army. and i never have time for computer or anything.on the up side i get to see my best friend and wifey in about 2 or 3 weeks, when ever i can come up with another $116. she lives in WA on the rez with a foster family cuz of stupid stuff, god i hate drama. its fucking stupid and pointless. but anyway im looking for a job, and starting school in the fall. still trying to adjust to life in ID and trying to make new friends im still loner i still sit in my room doing pretty much nothing, i clean all the time and try to find stuff to fill out my day. grr you know it sucks sometimes. im at a loss. i have a block in my brain. i cant write poetry right now. my mind is to cabobbled. you know what i mean...well yeah thats whats going on with me oh yes and fianancial problems. like always. booko bucks to pay on bills in WA and bills to pay here. it sucks because no one has a job we r living off my dads disability and retirement. well atleast i still have my phone you know talkins to people that way.

but i will try to write more im sorry for keeping you all out of the loop!

untitled poem....

so i hide inside my head with my web full of lies, i cant keep up with this chain around my neck, but i built it myself, with my bottle of sorrows,drinking away every possible tomorrow i lay awake, at night wondering why, why do i cry for those who have hurt and have been hurt as well, why cant they see through my eyes or i through theirs, i know why because pain can thrill you, kill you, maybe even scare you stupid, but in my mind its just a pack of smokes as i sit here and toke on my tobacco stogg. i wonder if they see me or right through me. my cigarette my only outlet my only thing its between you n me i wonder if ill ever be the person everyone else wants to see. what you see is what you get, I'm sorry I'm only human i didn't mean to kill you, maybe one day ill make sense and my mind wont be so boggled and my heart wont feel so broken but yet so full, someone loosen the chain and let me catch up with the world instead of living in my own fearful pain filled past.

ugh life

lol ok so the subjet sounds emo but im not emo im actually super happy, but also uber sick i hate summer colds, anyway, i found him the guy of well i hope my dreams he sweet nice my family loves im, and he doesnt hit me or make me feel bad about myself........yesterday my brother chris left for WA yeah i kno right the day before mothers day so NOT COOL am i right? well seriously im super tired, just felt bad for not w riting comment and stuff.,.....will write again tomorrow since i grounded to beb till im better

sooooo

today i sat at home with the family, my parents went shopping at costco......COSTCO!!! lol sorry i love costco. uhm i didnt leave the house except when i went for a walk to get away from the drama in the house at that point in time, i cooked dinner which was yummy nummys lol roast mashed taters and brown gravy....can yu say yummm?


anyway my rant for the day is.....i hate have to admit im wrong when i dont think i am, like when i say something i see to be ture but other dont see it the same way.grrrr i also hate it when grown women are stupid and act like teenagers, i am a teenager i can act like one its my right! lol anyway i watched the new degrassi (see i am a teenager lol) and cleaned and packed meat lol, twas fun. uhm tomorrow hopefully i can see my friend thomas :) whom is kinda sorta amazing and hopefully i dont have to say sorry for anything stupid again... :( well goodnight lovelys :D

home on a firday night...how pathetic....

i have nothing to do, im bored and writing a blog, obviously. i have nothing better to do, my brother is leaving me, my friends are all busy or working, and i have seen every movies in my house aswell as TV show on TV. imah pathetic loser and im broke believe me if i wasnt i would go see NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET! the new one my friend ray went to a midnight showing last night and said ti was amazing, and me being a true lover of scary movies I WANNA SEE IT :'( so pathetic. well i guess thats all for now. prolly will write more later. hope everyone has a better Friday then me.

honestly

gr thank god for blogs, i cant rant to anyone else and esepcailly cant rant to him without being called a bitch or crazy, for one im not crazy and two atleast im not some stupid little boy who plays DND for 8 hours on fucking end its a stupid game with no pieces and no board it has a book and a piece of paper. its not even touchable, no set fucking rules no nothing its a waste of fucking time. come one people play a consolt game or a fucking PC game, world of war craft COD L4D come on people grow some brains really i mean i respect gamers, im a gamer myself, but really 8 hours going on 9 really have you nothing better to do? talk to someone, go for a walk, get a job, write a blog, do something to benifit the world, and believe me rolling a 20 isnt really a big deal, now killing an entire horde of zombies by urself with like 8 boomers 12 smokers and 5 witches now thats an acomplishment. think the world will be taken over by wizards, or dwarfs? no but zombies there is a possibility i mean really people really lets use our minds here this is not 5th grade this is the real world, join the army, marines, navy, air force, go to college and actually pay attention, dont spend ur nights on the floor with a DM and 3 nerdoides around you saying omg there is an imaginary doplganger after me. yes i kno for someone who is ranting about i know alot about it, and yes i do know alot about it i used to play and then i realised how retarted it is. really guys get a life!

OK so maybe some of that was a little harsh and im sorry but i had to rant somewhere, im sorry if i offended anyone uhm honestly do what makes you truely happy if you like RPG's then so be in, if you love gameing then do it, do whatever make you happy.......thanks for reading :)

on my way

so today i got accepted to this online schoo, started looking for a job and got a friend back that i never thought i would ever talk to again. pretty amazing right wait theres more, my mom accepted that my brother is leaving and that he will make his own mistakes. my middle brothers birthday is today well the 29th and my dad got a job working for the capitol lol amazing day for me except for im very tired and music is my main concern right now and im feel as if i am a loner lol. let me ask you something. if you felt like you had everything you needed but ur heart still hurt, what would you do? would you wait for something to fill the voide or would you find smeone to fill the voide....chew on that and please get back at me, i need some feed back please....

family sucks!

(Picture Unrelated)

my brother is such a fucking jerk, he thinks that everything is about him, he thinks that moving out with this female without a job, in a nother state is a good fucking thing......NEWSFLASH! no job means no food no clothes no house nothing, god some people r so fucking stupid, the only good thing that has happene today is that my friends court didnt throw him in jail. but yet once again he has another court date on the 21st. god i hate the goverment sometimes. they string stuff out so freekin much. anyway back to main subject, my brother is mad because he thinks that my mother is trying to keep him here forever but shes not, she is simply trying to let him know that he has nothing right now, and its hard to get something when you have no job. and then he says my parents have double stadards for me and him and my middle brother my middle brother got his GED and his license and a job at a big military company, mom and dad got super proude and he is moving to VA to be with his fiance, i live at home no job no high school diploma no license but im working on it with my parents help. and oldest brother is moving to WA with no high school diploma, no job and no license to be with wait for it.......A FUCKING FEMALE! i mean really who does that, family is more important then that am i right?

how horriable

how horriable is it to find out that the one you love is fucking playing you, hmm how aweful is that i mean really if you love someone dont fuck them over really like no thats not right, dont be a jew and hurt someone do to them what you want done to you, if you wanna be fucked over then be my guest fuck others over, but if you wanna be respected then respect others, no one likes being fucked over heart broken or hurt, why can people just be smart and see whats in front of them and understand that if someone loves you its rare to find real true pure love, no one wants a fucking store bought heart! every wants a pure fure heart. its like a gift, i made gift is better then one from a fucking store. come on people think here! and if you love someone dont be scared and run away because once again true love is hard to find, especially this day and age! everyone has to change for everyone else, whatever happen to being your self and not careing what others think i mean come one people did we not listen the first day of 1st grade, those who mind dont matter and those who matter shouldnt mind.

rant

i cant believe he is actually doing this! hes going to live with that little tramp! god she ruins lives and he is still going to live with her, 2 states away none the less! leave his family, god he fucking kills me sometimes! oh my fucking god, and then he says hes doing it to make life easier on me! god the nerve of some people its like he cant fucking live without pussy! i can wait until june to see my friends, you kno the only friends i have! ahhhh! so much for family meaning everything right!

today

well today was a good day, i cleaned my room, and the garage, my brother is moving to WA with his stupid fiance who is so not good for him, and deserves to be left, and i dont know what to do, i hate him for it, but he has left us so many times that its hard to be hurt by it anymore, he think this is a good idea and i kno this sounds biest but to me it is not. lol that was a run on sentence. we just got here to ID and it hasnt even been a fucking month seriously give it a damn try, i kno i kno i have been told that to because i still dont know anyone and i spend my time on the computer but still its diffrent he shouldnt leave the damn family. but anyway i love it in ID the weather is beautiful most of the time, and i have met an amazing guy named thomas, and i get to talk to my friend stacey every night well when he doesnt fall asleep, still looking for a job and so are my parents we r living off of his disability and retirement. well yeah wish me luck.....i just wish all these memories of WA would go away, then maybe it would make trying to make a new life here easier.